Teach Us To Sit Still

It's funny what bits of poetry will bring to mind. I stumbled on a poem by T.S. Eliot the other day, and it just sort of hit me that maybe I needed to hear it today.

--//--
Blessed sister, holy mother,
spirit of the fountain, spirit of the garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks.
Our peace in his will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother,
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea.
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.

t. s. eliot

--//--

I'm not real great at poetry analysis, but I think this is about the necessity of living Now, not Tomorrow or Yesterday. And if so, I needed to hear it. I got angry with my daughter last night and she didn't deserve it.

I'm not perfect mom. I don't try to be, generally---perfect moms are, IMHO, pretty hard to put up with. I do my best and try to do right by my daughter, but perfection was never part of the plan. Last night, though...I was in pain (did something wonky with my left shoulder) and trying to contend with a fussy, stubborn toddler who refused to go to sleep hour after hour after hour. Rob would come out, settle her down, and just as I was drifting off to sleep, she'd wake up again. And this went on for oh, four or five hours last night. And just to cap everything off, today was a Friday...which meant I had to be at work. On four hours sleep and caffeine....yeah, I should have just gotten the IV and had at it. :-)

So I've been obsessing---what could I have done, instead of getting angry with her? And then I realized---maybe I could have done something different, or not, but that doesn't matter. I can only contend with today. And today, that fussy, stubborn toddler has a cold but is otherwise okay. And she trusts me to do right by her. So, today, I've sat still and tried to be worthy of that.