Planting seeds

Today, I planted the first seeds of spring--chamomile, for the teas I hope to make, and rosemary, for the cooking herbs I hope to grow. I also transplanted a rather stubborn lavender plant into a larger container (which will have to be transplanted again before summer's heat hits, but hey, you do with what you've got when you've got it.) The only thing we have left to plant is the assortment of heirloom tomatoes and the sunflower seed mix and the container herb garden---those, I'll need help from my husband because of the amount of dirt involved and the size of the containers we'll need.

I had lots of help this morning too...my daughter. Give her a shovel and she's more than capable of putting a few shovelfuls of dirt on top of those tiny seeds. Of course, she's also more than capable of running around and jumping into the mud puddles on our patio too but hey, she'll clean up quickly. ;-)

I also poured some milk into the corners of our patio and asked the help of the Old Ones for what we were trying to do. I'm not sure if my daughter understood that part of things, but that's okay. That's another seed I'm planting---and like the others, if it's meant to be, it'll grow too. :-)

Happy is the Return of Spring

Today is Ostara, the pagan holiday marking the return of Spring (it coincides with the Vernal Equinox and if you're noticing the similarity to the name of the Easter holiday, that isn't coincidental either.)

I find myself needing spring badly this year. I can't complain about the Winter weather (hello, San Diego, anyone?) but it's been a hard one nonetheless. We've moved, dealt with any number of unforeseen maintenance issues in our "ready to move in" apartment, put up with several ugly work messes that seemed destined to drive me nuts, and gone through several minor (but annoying) illnesses that come and go and come again. We're no closer to having a second child than we were when we started trying (though all of the situations above might have something to do with that :-P) We're all just sick and tired of being sick and tired, and we need the spring and the flowers that grow to remind us that life isn't all sick days and doctors visits.

Next week, we're going to start planting our garden---all we need is some soil, and some help from the resident green thumb (my husband LOL) and maybe soon, we can start some life growing, within and without. :)

Blessed is the return of spring. :)

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Yesterday, I found out that a good person had died. I can't claim her as a good friend---we only talked once, in a chat room online, but she was beloved by all who knew her and in my own interaction with her, I noticed that she was wise and funny and unfailingly generous.

Chan (I'm using her screen name because that was how I knew her) was a long-time member of the Beauty and the Beast fandom community (the TV show, not the Disney movie.) She was a fantastic artist, but more than that, she was a good friend to many people. She leaves behind a husband, daughters and the children she taught in real life.

What I remember about Chan---besides her art, which was sensitive and beautiful and touching---is how generous she was. I remember reading a comment thread on one of the boards; younger artists were talking about how they drew this character or that character and because Chan was on the board they asked her for advice. And she gave it, without a hint of ego or condescension. She tried to encourage other artists because (as she said at Winterfest Online this year) she wanted to encourage them to take her place after she was gone.

That was in February. I don't think she thought that she'd be gone so soon. None of us did.

I can't claim to have known her well...that category goes to other friends of mine. But from what I did know, we've lost something special in her passing.

Goodbye, Chan. We'll miss you.

UPDATE 3/22/2010: Chan is gone. I'm choosing to picture she and Michelangelo battling for colored pencils or debating drawing techniques. We have all lost someone truly special.

Can I Take the 5th?

I have become convinced that somehow, I have given birth to the world's smallest defense attorney. Or prosecutor. Whatever. Today has been an endless round of questions, answers, more questions, more answers...and this, from the time she woke up at 6am until, um, now. I think she stopped when she took a nap, but I can't be sure.

All of which, I am told, is normal for a three year old. She's trying to start a conversation, and more power to her. But my ears are pretty much worn out and her dad is hiding under his desk upstairs (just kidding; he's upstairs playing a computer game) so I think it's a safe bet his ears are getting worn out too. The conversations have gone like this:

R: Whatcha doing, Mommy?

Me: Putting the dishes in the dishwasher.

R: What's a dishwasher?

Me: (looking at her over the tops of my glasses): What do you think a dishwasher is?

R: A dishwasher washes dishes!

Me: Very good. (Turning on the dishwasher.)

R: Mommy, what's that noise?

Me: *bangs head on counter*

It's not the first time she's heard a dishwasher, mind. And we seem to have the conversation about dishwashers and what they do at least once or twice per day, depending on how often we have to do the dishes. All of which taps into one of my pet peeves: having to repeat myself to someone who knows the answer.

I'm trying to be patient. I don't want my daughter to complain that her mom never listened to her, because that's not it. I know she knows what a dishwasher is, or whatever else the topic is, and is just asking because she's trying to figure out how conversations work, the give and take of things. And we're trying to teach her the rules of polite conversation too---not interrupting, not talking through or over the adults who are talking at the same time. I know it's all normal, and necessary and all that, but I think I'm about ready to plead the 5th and hush up now. Maybe then my little attorney will stop questioning me for a bit. :-P

Itchy Green Thumbs

A number of years ago, when my husband and I were first married, we had a garden on the back patio of our apartment. I remember looking out our back patio window and loving the slice of life he created back there and even though--as we discovered---corn doesn't really like being grown in containers, the leaves, the smell of earth and the colors of the vegetables made everything more alive.

But we moved when word came out that the apartments were going to be converted to condos (*eyeroll*) and for a few years, there wasn't space to garden (and once the neighborhood cats started using what land we did have as their litter box...ick. Why would you even try to garden then?) Since we've moved again and---once again---we have a patio with enough sun to get some plants growing, we're going to try a garden going, on a small scale. No corn, no eggplant (a plant we grew until we both realized we hate eggplant,) no zucchini or squash (for now.) Just some herbs, sunflowers, and tomatoes. Enough to give us some greenery and life in the middle of apartment central. They're all in seeds for now, but eventually...yeah. It'll be green again on our back patio.

I can tell spring is coming (no points for observation to me there LOL---Ostara, which falls on the vernal equinox--is just a couple of weeks away.) I'm getting that itchy need to go dig in the dirt and smell potting soil and see something we've planted grow. And I want to show my daughter how miraculous and beautiful things can come from the smallest of origins.

Spring is almost here. Whew. :-)

Random Acts of Randomness :-)

As I sit here writing this tonight, there is just the (very slight) chance that I'm pregnant. It's too early to test yet and my cycles are irregular anyways...so another week should prove or disprove the point. If I am...I'm happy about it but also nervous. My pregnancy with the wee one took a left turn at Albuquerque (to quote Bugs Bunny) about 22 weeks into it and was high risk the rest of the way through. Now that the docs know what the problem was, they can treat it earlier, but I'm never going to be one of those women who has a boring pregnancy where they go overdue; the best we're all hoping for is that I make it to term with a healthy baby. And if I have to go on bed rest again...well, nine weeks was a pretty good trade-off for the rest of the wee one's life, and it'll be the same with this baby too.

I spent a fair amount of time after she was born being upset---with my body, that I couldn't carry her to term (though there was nothing I could have done differently); with the universe, with fate or what have you. Distance and time and healing have led me to a different reality: life is...random. And you can't predict or control random events, you just can't. The wee one spent five weeks in the NICU through no fault of anyone's...and although I'd have not chosen to have her that prematurely, she's now a healthy, happy child, so it worked out okay in the end.

So if I am pregnant, I'll do my best, again. And the docs will do theirs. And maybe the outcome will be different, a healthy child that goes to term, or close to it. Maybe the random will work more in our favor this time. :-)