Teach Us to Be Still

I've been thinking Deep and Weighty Thoughts recently, now that we're moved in and the only water in our apartment is located where it's supposed to be. We're in the middle of a spell of abnormally wet weather and there's something atavistic, maybe, that makes me want to go into the back of a cave, light a fire, and do nothing but think while the rain falls all around me. Or sleep. (I'm easy to please. :-)

One of the things I promised myself when we moved was that I would carve out a sacred space, somehow, in the middle of our busy and hectic lives, and I've started doing that. There's a shelf in our bedroom that has my small collection of goddess statues, a couple of small white and black taper candles, and a plaque of the goddess Brighid. It's small and spare as altars go, but I'm a very young witch still as far as this path goes, and I like what I've managed to create. It feels peaceful, somehow.

I have hopes of being able to meditate in front of it one day, but that whole sitting still thing? It's a lot harder than it looks. I can sometimes find my mental "OFF" switch in the middle of writing, say, or just before I go to bed at night, but trying to relax when every other nerve is telling me that there are a million and one things to do, that I could be doing...is hard. And I'm not there yet. And with a toddler...maybe I shouldn't be surprised LOL.

So I'm trying to learn to be still, to find some inner peace in the middle of our crazy lives, to carve out some place that is calm and quiet and restful. Maybe I just need the rain. Or maybe we're not all that far from the cavemen after all. :-)

Those Were the Days...:-)

We've finally begun unpacking in earnest and one of the joys has been finding family photos. I found a small book of wedding photos that didn't make it into our wedding album...and I opened it up and for a second, I couldn't believe we were ever so young. It was only six years ago (seven years in April) but I looked at the picture of my husband and I under the shady trees at Heritage Park, or the huge grin my husband had on his face as I walked down the aisle, and I thought about all the things that Rob and Krista hadn't gone through yet.

We hadn't learned to depend on each other. We hadn't yet gone through 2006 (the year that will forever remain in my memory as both the best and the utter worst of times.) We hadn't moved into (and out of) three apartments. We hadn't been parents yet. We hadn't gone through the roller coaster of a high risk pregnancy and a child in the NICU. We hadn't set up one night playing "pass the baby" as we dealt with an inconsolable preemie newborn who wanted to do anything but sleep.

As much as we loved each other then---enough to get married and make all sorts of very scary promises about life and love and fidelity and friendship in front of family and friends---I can honestly say that no matter what we thought love was then, we didn't know the half of it. Love isn't all flowers and poetry--most of the time, it's just about being there for the other person, no matter how bad it gets, or what life throws at you, and rising in the morning to do it all over again because you promised your partner you would.

So, nearly seven years out and after a whole range of ups and downs and everything in between...I wouldn't change a thing. We were younger then, but we're wiser and happier now. :-)

Surfacing and Growing :-)

Well, after a week where we were all sick (again) and our water heater leaked (but was replaced,) I feel like it's been ages since I posted though it's only been two weeks. Whew. The next time I say I want to move---unless it's to a house---someone please slap me. Or send me away to a nice padded room somewhere....:-P

Tonight my hubby and the wee one and I went out to a local Italian restaurant whereupon our daughter---who is a whopping three years old and three feet tall---informed us that she was too short. I don't know where she's getting this (though it might be just her noticing comparisons; her dad is 6'2 and I'm not precisely short either), but I wonder if she's starting to make the connection between the things the "big kids" can do and the things that she can't yet.

The thing is, she is growing (and how) into someone who's neither her dad nor I, but herself. I looked at her tonight and was reminded of a poem Khalil Gibran wrote years ago about children in The Prophet:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

Moved In and Worn Out

Well, as of about 2pm yesterday afternoon, we are FINALLY moved into our new place. (The shower no longer leaks, by the way, though the jury is still out as to whether we actually have a leaking pipe somewhere, at least we can't see it. Yet.) There are boxes everywhere and we're both about as tired as you'd expect. But we got through it with no broken bones and minimum of aggravation, so that's something.

Gaaaahh, the boxes. I knew we had a lot of stuff (a fair amount of which is baby stuff that we can't get rid of since we want to have another child) but the sheer amount of Stuff is mind-boggling. And of course, what does the resident toddler want to do but climb in the boxes and pull things out of them? Yeah. We've managed to distract her since Rob is removing bricks from our back patio (long story--the short version is that they definitely are a hazard, so our former landlord is taking them) and she's discovered the joy of earthworms and salamanders and dirt. Which provided an opportunity to talk about what these littlest creatures do for the earth and how we need to leave them alone and let them do it....but if she's like every other little kid, I'm sure she'll be bringing them inside soon enough. LOL.

So that's our life, for now. New beginnings in a new place. :)