Things That Make You Go, "WTH"?

Sigh. It's been one of Those Days. A full moon, Mercury in retrograde (which is supposed to really mess up communication) for the next month or so and...yeah.

But today's WTH moment is courtesy of a police officer (who shall remain nameless, to protect what I suspect is the perpetually stupid.) In a nutshell, the police officer was supposed to do something for one of my attorneys in preparation for her trial (which started today--and yeah, of the three most dangerous life-forms on the planet, two of them are attorneys in trial.) So he came in today, after much prodding and threats of a court order ordering him to show up...and brought his three young kids with him.

Now, I like kids. I like my kid. I like my friends' kids. But when he brought the kids in, one of my male co-workers asked me and the law clerk (also female) if we would watch the police officer's kids. Um, no. I was swamped, as was the law clerk. And secondly, just because we have two X chromosomes does not, automatically, make us babysitters.

It all ended well in the end (cop did his job while one of my male co-workers kept the kids entertained,) and I'm not actually insulted, just bemused. I'm a mom, and a happy one, but it's not all I am. It's just funny how sometimes that label, or the label of being female, can drown out everything else.

The Only Constant

I know I've not been posting here recently (well, not since *gulp* June LOL) and that's mainly because things have done a fair amount of changing since I last posted.

The major change involves my daughter. On Tuesday, she started preschool. No tears, no sniffling, she just waved bye and was off like a shot. I guess I could have been offended LOL...but the reality is, I'm not. I'm proud of her, for being the kind of kid---even at almost four---who isn't afraid to try something new. It's the start of a new journey for her, and for us...and if we're a bit more nervous about it than she is, I guess that's normal too.

(And for those of you who are wondering...no, no sign of another child yet. If it's in the cards, it'll happen. :)

The other change is that I finally got to meet the members of the writer's group I'd been collaborating with for the last year or so. (If you've been following my BatB fanfiction blog, yes, I'm referring to the ladies of "Everything...") We met in July, at a very small con (aka, "family reunion," the main difference being that no one's cheeks got pinched. LOL) and it was like we'd known each other all our lives. I confess I was surprised by that; many years ago, in another fandom, I'd met an author I'd been chatting with and when we finally got together, we had virtually nothing to talk about.

I can still say, nearly a month after the con, that that wasn't the case this time. And I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. We all come from different backgrounds, but we never ran out of things to say, or laugh, or cry about. And you can never have too many friends.

So that's the update, such as it is. I'll try to post more often :)

Dear Spammers....

Yes. That means you. The people who keep leaving responses to my posts in Chinese with embedded links to porn sites, or bootleg video sites. Whatever.

Maybe you haven't noticed, but this blog is on moderation, which means I have to approve each and every comment you make. And you know what? I'm not going to approve anything you say. Ever.

So, here's a thought. Since you apparently have so much time on your hands (well, time enough to keep spamming my blog, which doesn't get a lot of traffic) go find some other blog. Someone who wants your links to porn sites or who wants to buy bootleg DVDs. Or both. There must be someone.

It's just not me. Or my reader(s). kthxbai

Some thoughts on Mother's Day....

Okay, yes, I know, it's not Mother's Day yet...but since I plan to be out with my family tomorrow, I'm writing this now.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and like I do every time this year comes around, I wonder about it. I remember being infertile and knowing that the odds of us ever conceiving a child were highly unlikely. Then, it was a day of what felt like endless cruelty, a reminder of the thing we wanted and couldn't have. And the holiday was everywhere---on the radio, in the stores, on TV. You couldn't escape it, even if you wanted to. And during those years, we desperately did.

Now that Ms. "Highly Unlikely" is three and a half, I think about it more. So much of Mother's Day--the ads, the cards, the flowers--seemed based on a massive guilt trip. "Buy these flowers for your mother, be her favorite kid." (Yes, I heard that one yesterday. I'm an only child but...gaaack.) I don't want guilt from my child--she doesn't "owe" me anything. I chose to get pregnant, I chose to become a mother. I try my damndest to be the best mother I can..but my daughter doesn't owe me flowers, or a card, just for being her mom.

I confess I bought into the hype---my mom (who is home and recovering from her hospital stay) loves her Mother's Day cards and would be hurt if she didn't get one, so I sent her one. But the more I think about it, the more I'm not sure I like the guilt of Mother's Day. I'm going to go out tomorrow with my husband and daughter and enjoy the time we have as a family. And when my daughter is old enough---I'll tell her that the only thing she owes me is really what she owes herself, to be the best person she can. The cards, Hallmark can keep. :-)

My mom is in the hospital

I'm posting this sort of late (as in, a few days after she went in) but it's taken me a bit to process this whole thing. In a nutshell, the spring bronchitis/pneumonia she always gets has changed into not only pneumonia, but reduced lung function and heart trouble. The upside---and there is one---is that her doctors seem to be good at putting the puzzle pieces together, figuring out what's wrong and working on a treatment. So I don't have any concerns there.

The bad side of it is...it's not over yet. She's still in the hospital and probably will be until next week at the earliest.

I worry a lot about her now, probably more than I would have, say, a year ago---not because I wouldn't have cared, but because losing Chan...Chan, who was exactly my mom's age when she died, put in focus that no matter how much I don't agree with her on matters political, no matter how tired I get of her endless grumbling....the reality is that one day, my mom won't be there. My mom, one of two people who remembers what I was like as a child, who did her best for me no matter what...one day, she won't be there.

I just hope that day...isn't soon.

What Was Worth the Saying

We had an earthquake on Easter (yes, I know, Easter was a couple of weeks back but I'm the busy mom of a three year old and if I get ten minutes that I'm not hearing, "Hey mommy," I'm writing on my fanfiction blog LOL.) We live in SoCal, the San Diego area more precisely, and we don't tend to get a lot of earthquakes in our area. Usually.

So we'd just finished Easter dinner and my dad and my daughter were racked out on the couch snoozing, when I heard the dishes in the china cabinet rattle. And keep rattling. I looked through our kitchen window to see our neighbor's satellite dish rotating and then I knew---this wasn't the earth having a small fit. This was a huge nasty quake. So I grabbed my daughter and my mom and my dad and my husband and great grandfather and I all dove under the mahogany table* and waited the quake out.

We suffered no damage, aside from some goddess statues on my upstairs altar who were really not amused by the shaking, and some shredded nerves. It was a 6.9, later upgraded to a 7.2, but the point was, we were all alive.

There is something about huddling under a kitchen table while the earth throws a tantrum that tends to put things in focus. I'm not always a big fan of holidays, for the most part--I don't like the pressure to be the perfect family when none of us are, or the inevitable ick feeling that comes when some relative you know has been an asshat is also at the same gathering. I wasn't particularly looking forward to the Easter lunch---for one, it's a hassle to clean the house and get everything dusted and in its proper place for visitors, and for another...sometimes it's hard being around my great-grandfather (lots of water under that particular bridge.)

But, we survived, probably due in no small part to the earthquake. A lot of the tension was just gone...I didn't care about the dust I'd forgotten about on the coffee table, or worry about what was going to come out of my mom's mouth. I just didn't care.

So, we survived the earthquake. And maybe what I thought was important, wasn't.

*I am reliably informed now that diving under the table in an earthquake is a Very Bad Thing unless said table is uber sturdy. Our table is nearly 65 years old and, so far as I know, has lived in southern California its entire life. So, I think it could handle being an earthquake shelter in a pinch. Though next time, I think I'll just run out into the parking lot or something.

Planting seeds

Today, I planted the first seeds of spring--chamomile, for the teas I hope to make, and rosemary, for the cooking herbs I hope to grow. I also transplanted a rather stubborn lavender plant into a larger container (which will have to be transplanted again before summer's heat hits, but hey, you do with what you've got when you've got it.) The only thing we have left to plant is the assortment of heirloom tomatoes and the sunflower seed mix and the container herb garden---those, I'll need help from my husband because of the amount of dirt involved and the size of the containers we'll need.

I had lots of help this morning too...my daughter. Give her a shovel and she's more than capable of putting a few shovelfuls of dirt on top of those tiny seeds. Of course, she's also more than capable of running around and jumping into the mud puddles on our patio too but hey, she'll clean up quickly. ;-)

I also poured some milk into the corners of our patio and asked the help of the Old Ones for what we were trying to do. I'm not sure if my daughter understood that part of things, but that's okay. That's another seed I'm planting---and like the others, if it's meant to be, it'll grow too. :-)