What it takes to make you feel helpless

Thursday night, my daughter started running a fever, her very first. I should probably mention that she's nearly two and thus far (aside from coming ten weeks early) has been the picture of health.

So, her dad and I were a little freaked. Her dad called the pedi Friday night when nothing we did seemed to help and the message was that, basically, we were doing all we could, that we'd just need to let the fever run its course, that some OTC meds were fine, but the fever itself wouldn't hurt her, just make her miserable.

And lo, it did. The first OTC med we tried didn't actually work, which ended up being a shock. So we called the pedi again (bless you Dr G for your patience with newish parents :)) And she told us that everything was still in the "no reason for concern yet" zone---which was reassuring, since we both had visions of us rushing her to Children's Hosptial. Last night she was up and down and up again, but her fever finally broke around 2am.

We think she's on the mend. Maybe. We hope. But I haven't felt so helpless since she was a wee thing in the NICU. :-(

Tales of a Convention Junkie

Okay. I admit it. I'm a mature, thirty-something woman. I vote, when I remember to do so. I read the paper and I try to stay informed. Last week's DNC was the first convention I've watched since 1992.

And wow. I'm not a fangirl (or maybe I'm just in De Nial :-P) I wasn't originally an Obama supporter---I used to support the candidate now known (in my mind, at least) as Skunk Boy. Then he backed out...a good thing, as it turned out. And I considered supporting Hillary, before the whole "I was under fire in Bosnia thing" and her politics turned so egotistical, self-righteous, and...well, mean.

I did catch Obama's speech in 2004---as I recall, I was channel-surfing, and I just happened to catch it. Even then, I thought he was going places fast---I just didn't know how fast.

So I watched the entire convention with my husband and my baby (who clapped when everyone else did :) And for the first time in a long time, I felt hope---not the kind of hope you feel when the magician does a trick and you hope it's real, even though you know it can't possibly be. The kind of hope where you think that yes, we can be better than this, that we don't have to settle for leaders who think the Constitution is a kleenex, that we can aim for the best of our ideals and still be pragmatic about the hard work that needs to be done.

I have hope. And so I say it now...yes, I support Obama.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name...

..or, why it's maybe a bad sign that the nurses at my doctor's office know me by my first name. ;-) Which got me to thinking---how do they know me? Out of all the patients they must see, why do they remember me? Is it my hypenated name (either name is unusual, both names together are beyond unique)? Is it my daughter (hey, she's fairly memorable :))? Or is it just me? I know I always remember people because they either drive me bonkers or because they were uncommonly nice. I hope it was the latter and not the former that caused the nurses to remember me. :)

In other news, I'm feeling better, which comes along with not having a tube sticking out of my back. :) And life is slowly getting back to normal, especially since our computer is also back up and running.

Life is good. :)

Dear Doc (a letter from a disaffected patient)

Dear Doc,

I'm writing this letter here because I don't want to blow up at you on Thursday.

Last Wednesday, I went into the hospital to have the Rolling Stones evicted from my left kidney. This was after three failed lithotripsy attempts and one uteroscopy where the stone in my right kidney passed before you got to it. You told me surgery was the best bet for removing my large pointy stones and I agreed. You're the doctor, I'm the patient and I trusted you to do right by my health.

What followed was a week in my life that I have absolutely no intent of repeating---ever. I awoke from one procedure in such excruciating pain that there were concerns I was bleeding internally. Did you, did anyone, call my husband? No. He found out that bit from me much later. And when I came out of the second procedure, you told me the stones were gone. I was relieved.

Turns out, I shouldn't have been. Two CAT-scans later, I found out there were some smaller stones left (less than one centimeter, I believe) but I didn't find that out from you. I found that out from a nurse---and awesome nurse, to be sure, but she wasn't my doctor. You were. Yet you didn't bother to tell me, your patient. You didn't call my husband when I developed pneumonia in the hospital. In fact, you didn't call at all. Your part in my care was done, and the rest, you could have cared less about. Nice going. Do they teach Basic Insensitivity 101 in medical school, or what?

Now I hear that you want to see me to discuss "further treatment options." My first reponse, to be honest, is "Bite me." You waltz in, you do a procedure, you're done. Every single procedure you've done on my kidney has meant a minimum of three days off work for me---and that's three days away from my family, feeling crappy, and it's time I'm not willing to waste while you figure out what you're going to do next.

So, just to make sure you understand. No surgery. Not ever again. I have a life, and if I'm very, very lucky, I'll live the rest of it without ever again being in the same OR with you.

Signed,

A Disaffected Patient

Kidney Surgery: T Minus 7 Days and Counting....

..yeah, I'm finally having surgery done on the stones in my left kidney next Wednesday. Soooo, here's a little letter to "Keith" and "Mick" (and the rest of the band: gods know I've got enough there. :)

Dear Stones,

Wednesday, you're getting an eviction notice. You might laugh now, but those shockwaves you've felt over the past months? Yeah, that was me trying to get rid of you. And I know you don't want to go. You're pointy and large but you've been living in my kidney for years now, and that's years too long.

I want my body back. I want to exercise without having to worry if I'm going to displace one of you. I want to get a backache without worrying if this is the start of you trying to pass through my body. I want to plan a vacation without having to worry about saving enough time "just in case" I have to have another kidney procedure. I don't want to stress or worry or just plain be afraid of your silent presence in my body.

In short, you'll be going soon. And I won't miss you. Stones, be gone.

Smooches,

Your (soon to be former) landlord. :)

Random musings...

...in no particular order.

1) Why is it that you can have the worst day in the world, but your baby's smile makes you all warm inside?

2) Why is it that houses invariably look messier right before all the cleaning is done? (Seriously. DH and I have gotten rid of a metric ton of stuff, and the house is still in that messy stage between hazmat site and clean enough to eat off of. I guess having a 19 month old "helping" would tend to affect things....but still. :)

3) Why is it that saying "No, I can't do that" is sometimes seen as rude?

4) Why is it that one 25 pound, nearly three foot, 19 month old has more clothes than both her mom and dad put together?

5) Why is it that a lack of planning and/or communication invariably becomes someone else's problem? (These days, usually my problem. :-P)

And finally,

6) After a day where I found out that I have to have yet more pre-op testing (on top of the pre-op testing I already had) which pretty much means my doctor's appointment on Friday was a waste of both time and money because I didn't really get all the testing done in the first place...

...why is it that venting all of this here makes me feel better? :)

Sunday iPod Seven

Hi all,

I'm trying something new, seeing as I've hit a lull in posting :). Each Sunday, I'm going to hit shuffle on my iPod and see which seven songs come up.

So...here's the list. Enjoy!

"Dulaman" by Altan
"Spanish Lady" by Gaelic Storm
"Before the Twilight Falls" by Emerald Rose
"Auld Lang Syne" by Dougie Maclean
"Edward" by Old Blind Dogs
"The Rattling Bog" by Blackthorn
"Our Country" by John Melloncamp

Enjoy! :)