When I become Queen of the Universe (in no particular order)...
1) Wars will be fought with the parties' choice of the following weapons: pillows, apple pies, cards (game of poker, anyone?) or board games.
2) Maternity leave will actually reflect the actual time it takes to physically, mentally, and emotionally recover from childbirth, learn how to feed and take care of a brand new life, and regain some sanity in the process. And fathers will get the same amount of leave as mothers.
3) Every building will have a room for breastfeeding mothers. This business about pumping in the bathroom? Not happening. If we really think "breast is best," then it's time to make it easier for all mothers to do it---not just the ones who have their own offices or who stay at home.
4) Road rage will be banned. So will tail-gaiting. And light-flashing and...and...well, I drive in SoCal, what more do I have to say?
5) Rude people will have to attend charm school---Miss Manners, or the Ehell Dame, will be running it. ;-)
6) Abusers---of women, children, or animals---will get a lot worse than a slap on the wrist. I don't have Zeus' power of lightening bolts, but I'm sure I can think of something....
7) People suffering from infertility will have full medical coverage, just like any other illness or disorder.
8) Blocking aisles, carrying on a long conversation while doing so, talking loudly on your cellphone while driving or doing any other activity (do we REALLY need to know about what you're having for dinner?) is cause for immediate shunning and sentencing to the Island of the Clueless.
9) Oh, and pedestrians? The light means you can go. It does not mean, "Walk slower than a snail's crawl and glare at the cars you're holding up."
10) Conversely, if pedestrians have the light, give them the right of way. Failure to do so will sentence you to five days of writing "I will not be a clueless boor" on the charm school blackboard. (See #5)
8) Those who fail to MYOB and/or recognize appropriate social boundaries, will be sentenced to four years to life on the Island of the Clueless.
Thus Saith the Queene. :)
Friday, April 11, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Things That Annoy Me Greatly (parte the second)
And no, I'm not unusually irritable today. ;)
1) People who wear too much perfume. Look, one short dose in the morning is enough. For the love of...whoever...please don't put it on again at work. (This means you, oh cow-irker who doesn't seem to understand that no, not everyone needs to smell you coming three nautical miles away.)
a) Also a part of this, people who wave perfume samples in your face at the mall. See #1. If you want me to buy perfume, how about not giving me a headache as part of your sales pitch?
2) Kiosk workers. I know you have to earn a living, and sometimes the need to make money makes you work in jobs you wouldn't consider, but that one? Oh, yes, I'm sure your overpriced cellphone/sea salt mix/makeup is worth buying, but you see, I'm just not interested. And no amount of cajoling/catcalling is going to make me interested. So stop. Please.
3) Snaps on baby sleepers. I'm convinced that whoever did this didn't have children. Trying to match snaps on a wriggling baby at 3am who really wants to go crawling without her diaper on is just not my idea of fun.
4) Non-standard sizes. Depending on who makes the clothes, I'm either a US size 16, 18, 20, or 22. The wee one is either into 9 month, 12 month or, in some cases, 18 months sizes. Rob is either a 36 or a 38 long. Can't we all get our measurements to agree? Or failing that, how about posting at least the inseam measurement on pants?
And finally (for now)...
5) Car sales tactics (from my latest experience.) Look, I have an internet connection. I asked for an emailed quote. That does NOT mean I want you and your legions of employees calling me repeatedly to get me into the dealership. Nope, sorry, nothing doing---if there's no quote, I'm not setting foot in your dealership. Oh, and you better believe I know what the invoice on my car is---so don't tell me that no dealership will match it just because you won't. Guess what? One did, and you just lost a sale.
And now that I've bought the car...
I love my car. Really. But I don't have an eternity to fill out online surveys or answer customer service calls about how my buying experience was. I bought the car and I filled out one survey. That's all you're getting from me, so stop sending me requests and please, for the love of whoever, stop calling. kthxbai
1) People who wear too much perfume. Look, one short dose in the morning is enough. For the love of...whoever...please don't put it on again at work. (This means you, oh cow-irker who doesn't seem to understand that no, not everyone needs to smell you coming three nautical miles away.)
a) Also a part of this, people who wave perfume samples in your face at the mall. See #1. If you want me to buy perfume, how about not giving me a headache as part of your sales pitch?
2) Kiosk workers. I know you have to earn a living, and sometimes the need to make money makes you work in jobs you wouldn't consider, but that one? Oh, yes, I'm sure your overpriced cellphone/sea salt mix/makeup is worth buying, but you see, I'm just not interested. And no amount of cajoling/catcalling is going to make me interested. So stop. Please.
3) Snaps on baby sleepers. I'm convinced that whoever did this didn't have children. Trying to match snaps on a wriggling baby at 3am who really wants to go crawling without her diaper on is just not my idea of fun.
4) Non-standard sizes. Depending on who makes the clothes, I'm either a US size 16, 18, 20, or 22. The wee one is either into 9 month, 12 month or, in some cases, 18 months sizes. Rob is either a 36 or a 38 long. Can't we all get our measurements to agree? Or failing that, how about posting at least the inseam measurement on pants?
And finally (for now)...
5) Car sales tactics (from my latest experience.) Look, I have an internet connection. I asked for an emailed quote. That does NOT mean I want you and your legions of employees calling me repeatedly to get me into the dealership. Nope, sorry, nothing doing---if there's no quote, I'm not setting foot in your dealership. Oh, and you better believe I know what the invoice on my car is---so don't tell me that no dealership will match it just because you won't. Guess what? One did, and you just lost a sale.
And now that I've bought the car...
I love my car. Really. But I don't have an eternity to fill out online surveys or answer customer service calls about how my buying experience was. I bought the car and I filled out one survey. That's all you're getting from me, so stop sending me requests and please, for the love of whoever, stop calling. kthxbai
Things I Just Don't Get
On another short detour here, just down the road from Things That Annoy Me Greatly (they run parallel to each other, don't ya know?)
1) Trolls. Not the kind that live under the bridge and taunt the three billy goats gruff, and not the kind you see in Lord of the Rings. I'm talking about the ones that go on to internet forums and deliberately cause havoc by posting false stories or attacking other posters.
This makes no sense to me, probably because I'm not an attention whore. But really, if you have nothing else to do with your time than to invent soap-opera stories of woe and distress, shouldn't you find another hobby...like, I don't know, knitting? And people who post just to antagonize members of a forum? Puhhh-leaaase. If you don't like the kitchen, there's nothing saying you have to eat the food. So just go on your merry way and find some goats to pick on.
2) People who tailgate. Look, I know your time is just soooo much more important than mine (and everyone else's, come to that) but hanging out on my rear bumper is not going to intimidate me into going faster. It will make me change lanes, because I don't want to be part of the accident you will cause, but I have news for you: your brakes are not that good. If I have to stop, you'll be in my trunk, and assuming the accident doesn't hurt you, your insurance company will.
3) Competitive parents: those of you who have kids know the type. You know, the ones who loudly announce that they breastfed until their kids were in high school, always used cloth diapers, never fed them anything but organic food and wouldn't think of letting their kids not sleep with them. And their kids---at the age of a few years old---are rapidly discovering the cure for cancer and/or have gotten early admission to Harvard. Or they stay at home and look down their noses at women who work. Or they work and tell the stay-at-homes that they're wasting their lives. And so on, until there's a lot of hurt feelings on both sides.
In short, their whole purpose seems to be to shout "I am a better parent than youuuuuu!!!!" And they do it often enough that they make other parents feel incompetent.
Well, I also have news for you: you're not. You're just different. And so are the ultra-crunchy-granola moms. And the ones who stay at home, and the ones who go to work. The one thing that should unite us as moms is that we have kids and we love them and want the best for them. So, all you moms who love sitting in judgment on all the other moms---can it. Motherhood is hard enough without adding your garbage to the mix.
4) Nosy reporters. I'm not talking about the garden variety reporters, but the ones who go up to a grieving family and ask that most inane of all questions: "So, how do you feel?" Really? You have to ask?
That's my list for today. I'm sure there will be others when I think of them. :)
1) Trolls. Not the kind that live under the bridge and taunt the three billy goats gruff, and not the kind you see in Lord of the Rings. I'm talking about the ones that go on to internet forums and deliberately cause havoc by posting false stories or attacking other posters.
This makes no sense to me, probably because I'm not an attention whore. But really, if you have nothing else to do with your time than to invent soap-opera stories of woe and distress, shouldn't you find another hobby...like, I don't know, knitting? And people who post just to antagonize members of a forum? Puhhh-leaaase. If you don't like the kitchen, there's nothing saying you have to eat the food. So just go on your merry way and find some goats to pick on.
2) People who tailgate. Look, I know your time is just soooo much more important than mine (and everyone else's, come to that) but hanging out on my rear bumper is not going to intimidate me into going faster. It will make me change lanes, because I don't want to be part of the accident you will cause, but I have news for you: your brakes are not that good. If I have to stop, you'll be in my trunk, and assuming the accident doesn't hurt you, your insurance company will.
3) Competitive parents: those of you who have kids know the type. You know, the ones who loudly announce that they breastfed until their kids were in high school, always used cloth diapers, never fed them anything but organic food and wouldn't think of letting their kids not sleep with them. And their kids---at the age of a few years old---are rapidly discovering the cure for cancer and/or have gotten early admission to Harvard. Or they stay at home and look down their noses at women who work. Or they work and tell the stay-at-homes that they're wasting their lives. And so on, until there's a lot of hurt feelings on both sides.
In short, their whole purpose seems to be to shout "I am a better parent than youuuuuu!!!!" And they do it often enough that they make other parents feel incompetent.
Well, I also have news for you: you're not. You're just different. And so are the ultra-crunchy-granola moms. And the ones who stay at home, and the ones who go to work. The one thing that should unite us as moms is that we have kids and we love them and want the best for them. So, all you moms who love sitting in judgment on all the other moms---can it. Motherhood is hard enough without adding your garbage to the mix.
4) Nosy reporters. I'm not talking about the garden variety reporters, but the ones who go up to a grieving family and ask that most inane of all questions: "So, how do you feel?" Really? You have to ask?
That's my list for today. I'm sure there will be others when I think of them. :)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The Night of Screaming Mimi
These are the times that try men's souls...
Well....
Not really. But as a parent, they can really try your patience. The wee one kept waking up last night, and (yawn) I'm tired. Rob's tired. And the wee one is sleeping. Irony, much?
I don't know why she kept waking up. She was fed, changed, dressed warmly (we're having another one of our infamous "if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes" weeks....last week, it was warm enough to put her in just a onesie. Oy.) The only thing we can think of is that she had some gas pains, but whatever it was, it sure made her (and us) uncomfortable.
And then there's the cat. The cat is, oh, 15 years old or so now, and because I had him long before both husband and baby, I have a fondness for his quirks. But not his loud meowing after we just got the wee one to sleep.
Oh, well. With any luck, she'll sleep until after I leave, at which point Rob should be more awake. Me, I'm thinking of caffeine by IV right now. ;-)
Well....
Not really. But as a parent, they can really try your patience. The wee one kept waking up last night, and (yawn) I'm tired. Rob's tired. And the wee one is sleeping. Irony, much?
I don't know why she kept waking up. She was fed, changed, dressed warmly (we're having another one of our infamous "if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes" weeks....last week, it was warm enough to put her in just a onesie. Oy.) The only thing we can think of is that she had some gas pains, but whatever it was, it sure made her (and us) uncomfortable.
And then there's the cat. The cat is, oh, 15 years old or so now, and because I had him long before both husband and baby, I have a fondness for his quirks. But not his loud meowing after we just got the wee one to sleep.
Oh, well. With any luck, she'll sleep until after I leave, at which point Rob should be more awake. Me, I'm thinking of caffeine by IV right now. ;-)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Phobias (Blog Roll post)
This is the latest post on the blog roll. The assignment this week is to talk about phobias, so...
--//--
Phobias. I got 'em in spades. (No, I'm not that neurotic, I just have a healthy respect for things and situations that give me the creeps. ;-)
So here's the short list, in no particular order:
1) Spiders. I've gotten over this one as I've gotten older, for the most part, but I loathe black widows.
2) Large crowds.
3) Bodies of water--lakes, pools, you name it. I can't swim (I had a near-drowning accident when I was ten) so any large body of water makes me very nervous. That goes double when Roisin's around.
4) Closed in spaces. I got stuck in an elevator that got stuck between the floors and it was four or five of the longest minutes of my life.
5) Needles. I don't care if you have to give me an IV or draw my blood, but I'm not going to watch you do it (and don't insist, unless you want me to go horizontal.)
That's mine, for now. If I think of others, I'll add them. :-)
--//--
Phobias. I got 'em in spades. (No, I'm not that neurotic, I just have a healthy respect for things and situations that give me the creeps. ;-)
So here's the short list, in no particular order:
1) Spiders. I've gotten over this one as I've gotten older, for the most part, but I loathe black widows.
2) Large crowds.
3) Bodies of water--lakes, pools, you name it. I can't swim (I had a near-drowning accident when I was ten) so any large body of water makes me very nervous. That goes double when Roisin's around.
4) Closed in spaces. I got stuck in an elevator that got stuck between the floors and it was four or five of the longest minutes of my life.
5) Needles. I don't care if you have to give me an IV or draw my blood, but I'm not going to watch you do it (and don't insist, unless you want me to go horizontal.)
That's mine, for now. If I think of others, I'll add them. :-)
Parenting Minefield Dead Ahead....
There has been much comment on the Ehell (aka Etiquette Hell) forum about parents who take their children to "inappropriate" restaurants---that is, parents who take their kids to bars (in the US, definitely a no-no,) or sushi restaurants or restaurants that are obviously for adults in the mood for a little romance and who then let their little darlings (this is sarcasm) disrupt the entire evening.
Last night, we were almost one of "those" parents. :-O Except everything worked out okay. Rob's cousin and her husband were in town this week; they'd come into town for a business meeting and they invited us all to a fancy (well, to my mind---I don't eat at too many places that have more than one fork) restaurant in Balboa Park. Rob and I had agreed that if the wee one decided to start acting up, one of us would take her out so none of the other diners would be disturbed. And we were nervous---this isn't a place we would normally take our child, for the simple fact that a) she's 16 months old and b) fine restaurants and toddlers just normally don't mix.
It turned out fine. She was a good little toddler---drank her milk, had some hummus and some potatoes and chicken from our plates, and generally exuded excessive cuteness. She got a little fussy towards the end but it was really close to her bedtime, so we all just called it a night.
Whew. Another parenting minefield crossed. I'm not sure we'll go back there any time soon, particularly as she gets closer to the dreaded twos, but it's nice to know that we survived it.
Last night, we were almost one of "those" parents. :-O Except everything worked out okay. Rob's cousin and her husband were in town this week; they'd come into town for a business meeting and they invited us all to a fancy (well, to my mind---I don't eat at too many places that have more than one fork) restaurant in Balboa Park. Rob and I had agreed that if the wee one decided to start acting up, one of us would take her out so none of the other diners would be disturbed. And we were nervous---this isn't a place we would normally take our child, for the simple fact that a) she's 16 months old and b) fine restaurants and toddlers just normally don't mix.
It turned out fine. She was a good little toddler---drank her milk, had some hummus and some potatoes and chicken from our plates, and generally exuded excessive cuteness. She got a little fussy towards the end but it was really close to her bedtime, so we all just called it a night.
Whew. Another parenting minefield crossed. I'm not sure we'll go back there any time soon, particularly as she gets closer to the dreaded twos, but it's nice to know that we survived it.
Monday, March 24, 2008
What I Like About Me :)
This is the latest challenge from the Blog Tour. We were asked to write about what we like about ourselves, so...here goes (in no particular order.)
1) I like that I have boobs. I mean, when Monty Python joked about "huge tracts of land," they might have been talking about "the ladies." :)
2) My sense of humor hangs around, even when things are at their worst.
3) I have a head full of useless trivia and I don't forget anything (well, except where my keys are just now. :)
4) I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have, I've had for years. And they're not all the same "type" of people.
5) I'm honest...not rude about it, but honest. And I don't suffer fools gladly.
6) I can write intelligently. :)
7) I like my eyes (dark brown) and my nose (small.)
8) I speak sarcasm as a second language.
9) After all the hard work in becoming a mom, I have to say I like it.
10) I love my husband. And I love that he loves me for me.
1) I like that I have boobs. I mean, when Monty Python joked about "huge tracts of land," they might have been talking about "the ladies." :)
2) My sense of humor hangs around, even when things are at their worst.
3) I have a head full of useless trivia and I don't forget anything (well, except where my keys are just now. :)
4) I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have, I've had for years. And they're not all the same "type" of people.
5) I'm honest...not rude about it, but honest. And I don't suffer fools gladly.
6) I can write intelligently. :)
7) I like my eyes (dark brown) and my nose (small.)
8) I speak sarcasm as a second language.
9) After all the hard work in becoming a mom, I have to say I like it.
10) I love my husband. And I love that he loves me for me.
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About Me
- Krista
- Wife, mom of a preemie, follower of the old ways, lover of anything Irish or Celtic, history buff, trivia nut, Star Trek and Ren Faire geek and costuming fiend. Offer me coffee or chocolate and world peace is assured. Or at least I'll try really hard. :) I also believe in deleting spam. So, to the person or persons who keep leaving me comments in Chinese (along with links to what I can clearly tell are Chinese porn sites) stop it. It's bad karma, to say nothing of being really, really rude.